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But nobody talks about this kind of thing in public.
And the movie and TV portrayals of couples having sex before marriage never present it either.
For me, two things happened once I had sex with a girl.
As I look back on it, I can say that they happened literally every time, although I was unaware of these dynamics at the time.
I know a newlywed couple who have sex less than once a month because of this -- he doesn't respect her, she knows it, and she doesn't trust him, so she doesn't want to give herself to him.
It's very sad, and more common than you might think.
So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling -- the crowning achievement in the worship of my "god." And yet, there was often a lack of fulfillment afterwards. Why is it that sex, if it's so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling? I then concluded: "I just need more [sex], that's all." (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn't.
When I was in college, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a "love hangover." After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness.
It's like no one wants to acknowledge that it's happening, even though it is. Because we'll go into the marriage with me having more respect for her and her having more trust in me.
One thing I've learned: if a girl doesn't trust a guy, she doesn't want to give herself wholly to him.
Deep down, she doesn't really enjoy being with him. Since "girls use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex," a couple will have sex before marriage. The guy does it because he wants it even more than the relationship itself. Now that I'm out of college and many people around me are getting married, I'm seeing it happen all the time.
Then, after the marriage, the woman has what she wants: a commitment from the man. And, because she may be harboring resentment because he had sex with her before they were married, she is now not interested in sex. The antidote: waiting for marriage to have sex will give the man a greater respect for his wife and the woman a greater respect for her husband.
If you have a girlfriend now and feel that way, think of how much stronger that feeling will be with your wife someday. That's what I mean by "sex killed my best relationships." People can relate on many different levels -- emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually.